There is something wrong with our bathtub.  It has gastric episodes about every two or three weeks and sounds like it’s burping.

I should note that we have a fancy Japanese bathtub which fills itself at the press of a button, can reheat the water and has its own little digital terminal that controls it.  It also talks to you. In Japanese.  And, it’s a she, thus making this burping scenario all very shocking. 

I honestly don’t know what the problem is, it will do this no matter if we have used it recently or not for a few weeks. It will be silent and then suddenly GIRRGLLLLLEEEEEPOPOPOPOPBLEGh.  Very unladylike indeed. 

It does seem to do this mostly at night and in addition to this behavior she does occasionally decide to just turn herself on and run for awhile.  Yes she is a woman with a mind of her own.  Perhaps a bit like me, no amount of button pressing will sway her course, she will only stop when she is good and ready. In fact she did so at about 3am one morning last week when hubcap was away and it scared the crap out of me.  Water was filling up my house in my dreams and I was desperately throwing it over the balcony into the fountain while my evil bathtub just burped and gurgled to its heart’s content. I woke up and it was running into the drain but running of its own accord. That or I sleep walk and turned it on…… hmmm.

Or maybe this is what happens when your bathtub computer gets a virus.  Another reason some things should just stay manual.